You work out of a Hotel?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
