oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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