I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I believe in your delicious
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
