the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
