I CAN MOONWALK!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
