Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
