My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
