Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
sex in a hospital.. check
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
