Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
