Are we in a gay sports bar?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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