zippers are such a cool invention
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
