I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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