yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
