...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
