How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
