My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
