After last night, I could never be a politician.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
