New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
