just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
