It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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