ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
