I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
