just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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