I CAN MOONWALK!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we're so committed to being not committed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
