my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
