i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
