You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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