watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
