D3 body, D1 cock
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
