Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
