so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
