Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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