After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
