She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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