I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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