Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
