my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
