sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
