Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
