Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
