I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
