That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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