dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
