you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
