Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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