He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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