Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
