Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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