One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
