She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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