Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
