i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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