you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
