Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
