I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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