Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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