kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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