If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
