trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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