I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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