please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
