If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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