U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
