I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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