My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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