I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
