we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
