take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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