my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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