Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
