ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
