his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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