im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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