I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
