clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
