Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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