Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is Oprah even human
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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