is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
