Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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