Having a random hookup so left but love u
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
