i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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