Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
