I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
