i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
