I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
