So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
