Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She bit a glass in half.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
