i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
